No "Sorry Buts"...

...allowed at our house. We've tried to teach our girls that an apology cannot come with a "but". As in "I'm sorry I hurt you, BUT you made me mad". True repentance and requesting of forgiveness cannot include rationalization for your wrong.

I was all set to apologize for complaining here on fb, but the apology was going to come with a "but". So, following our house rule, I will not apologize, because I am not truly sorry. I am discouraged. Deeply discouraged.

I have completed three chemo treatments so far. And they are not fun. Almost not even tolerable. I am awake now with pretty severe stomach cramps. I know, I know, there are people much worse off than me. But it doesn't feel that way. I have been sick for 6 days. SICK. However, given my experience with hyper-emesis (acute vomiting) and hospitalization with each of my pregnancies, I am doing my best to REFUSE my over-active gag reflex and avoid throwing-up. I know I would not be able to stop, and would probably end up in the hospital. But sometimes...

So many people have encouraged me. "You're 75% done with the bad treatments!" "Only one more to go!" yikes. I CAN"T do one more. I will do one more, but let me tell you, it is not easy to willingly walk into Northwest Cancer Specialties and submit to more poison. Hard to keep my eye on the "prize", so to speak. These are the times that I recognize the enemy at work. But I am too weak to fight him. I rely on the prayers and support of family and friends.

So, we careen along this journey of breast cancer, with so many ups and even more downs. The difference between us? Some of you can choose to stop reading. I will continue to write, and live, this journey. And why, exactly, do I write? Many reasons. Probably therapy. Education. Notification. But the real reasons? My babies. Anna, Rachel, and Ellie. My sisters. Linda, Laurie, Sally, Becky, and Janette. My nieces. Audrey, Dustine, Jessica, Amanda, Denise, Abi, Marilla, Sophie, and Claire. All of whom must now answer the question "history of breast cancer in your family?" with "....yes....." I write so that they can know this journey, and not be as frightened as I have been. That we all can look back and learn from the struggles and joys we experience. That, through it all, God will be glorified and I will be a faithful and true witness to His goodness.

Now, for sleep.

Drenda