Thursday, August 12, 2010

Coming Back

There are hours, finally, where I live life. I live life -- real life.

Not life lived through the lens of cancer.

And how glorious those hours are!

We were on vacation for a few days this past week. And half way through, I realized that I had not been punched for a few days. No cancer punches to my stomach. Almost able to really relax.

I even forgot the reason for my 'creakiness'. The same medication that inhibits estrogen (and hopefully, cancer) also causes bone pain and joint stiffness. But this week, in my thoughts, I was just 'creaky'... not 'creaky' because I take medication to keep cancer away.

I had thought it would be terribly scary to increase the time between my visits to see my friend Jerry. But, the reality is that that time allows me to be normal. It allows me a break from the journey. A few times, it has even allowed me to think "did cancer really happen? Did I really go through all of that?"

And those questions, those breaks, let me be me. Just plain old me. Not Drenda who is strong and courageous. Or Drenda who is 'looking so good'. Not Drenda who is overwhelmed with the terror of cancer.

Just Drenda.

I kinda like her.

And so very happy she is coming back.