You Are Going to Die

Everyone wants to relate.

They want to help.

To reassure.

To encourage.

So many people have told me about someone they know who has battled breast cancer.

But very often, as the conversation progresses, the message that is relayed is not so great.

In the middle of the story, the message can be loud and clear.

"YOU ARE GOING TO DIE."

That is the message.

I don't believe it is the message intended.  

But it is the message delivered.

For I have heard just as many cancer stories that did not end well as those that did.  

It seems that people want to tell me about all their close relatives and friends who are DYING of cancer.  

Not so helpful.  

So far, I've managed to get through these conversations graciously (I think) -- saving my terror and tears for the dark of night.  

"That won't be me."

"Not me.  I am done with cancer."

"NOT ME.  I AM DONE." 

 "Right, God?  I AM done, right?  Right?  Please tell me that I am done.  Oh, GOD!  TELL ME, PLEASE, THAT I AM DONE!"  

Sometimes, the story teller is oblivious to my discomfort.  

Other times, I see the upset on their face as they realize their story is going in the wrong direction but they have no idea how to salvage it and end on a positive note.  

I know that death is the end result of life.

I know that I will not live forever.

But I do not like to hear that cancer may be my end.