Really anxious.
Anxious in a good way.
Because I don't know what to think.
I finished radiation treatment last week.
And all around me, I heard "Drenda is finished with cancer treatment!" "Yay! Drenda is done!"
But I didn't feel so excited. Finishing radiation was good. Great. But I had been viewing it as just one more step taken in a marathon.
I had never considered the end of the totality of chemo and radiation to be the finish line.
I still have the clinical trial drug to ingest until the end of February ish. Of NEXT year.
Brain MRI every year, echo-cardiograms all the time, probably other test I don't even know about yet.
I still have other drugs to take...for FIVE years.
And then more after that.
But maybe my friends and family are right.
Maybe the "cancer" treatment IS done.
Treatment has been my life for almost 9 months. It has consumed my time, my thoughts, my writings; it has fed my fears and changed everything. Killing Cancer. Cancer War. Zaps.
Perhaps the next steps in the journey should be considered prevention...like taking vitamins. You know, to STAY healthy.
So I must see Jerry.
And I will ask him.
I will ask him to say the words.
"Cancer Free".
If he will not, I will be disappointed. Maybe still scared.
I will ask anyway, knowing I may be reminded that cancer is not done in my body.
But he just might say them. Maybe.
And if he does, if those words come out of his mouth, oh what a day that will be.
August 20th.
His mercies are new every morning, every day you will have strength for the day and hope for tomorrow. (But we know it has been a long, long stressful time for you all. And we hope it is done and gone!)
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about Jerry saying the "magic words"; the Lord has plans for you that even Jerry doesn't know about. Love to you!