Normal, I Love You

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return"-Mary Jean Iron

I have lived that quote.  So many times, I have buried my face into my pillow, sobbing, wanting to return to "normal life".  Life as it was before November 8th, 2008.  Life before cancer.

But, in reality, even November 7th, 2008 was not life before cancer.  Or June 2008.  It was just life before I knew I had cancer.  Life in ignorance of cancer.  

But now,  in the last two weeks, I have had some "normal" days.

Almost.

I am loving "almost normal". 

Loving it.

 Because I am starting to feel good.

GOOD!

Still tired.  But not so much.

I can almost stay awake until 9 in the evening.  That is late  for me.

I still am watching and feeling my fingernails separate from my nail beds.

The bottom of my feet are still numb.  

When I get up to walk somewhere, I must stand still for a few seconds to get my balance and my footing before putting one foot in front of the other and walking out the door.  

I still have kankles.  You know, where there is no definition from knee to ankle.

I still have weight gain and fluid retention.  

And episodes of 'chemo brain'.

But....

I don't have severe bone aches.

And I don't have severe nail pain.

And I am not melting into the floor nearly as often.

And I have had two weeks without treatments.

Normal days.

Working.

Being a wife.

Being a mother.

Just normal stuff.

I love it.

No cancer war until Wednesday.