Chemo Brain

Chemo Brain. 

An actual condition.

One I've claimed to have on a number of occasions. 

But those claims were just examples of me being a "cancer user".

As in using cancer as an excuse for my own, normal, lapses.

But no more. 

Because I have experienced Chemo Brain for real this week. 

And it is REALLY frustrating. Really.

I was upset with my daughter and "lecturing". But I couldn't supply the right word. She had to do it for me. 

It went something like this (although typing the conversation leaves much to be desired. Hard to hear the emotion.) "Ellie, you MUST get your room cleaned. You MUST clean it so that the carpet can be seen. I am going to run errands, and when I come back, you better have...have...have...made....um....um..." "Progress? Do you mean progress?" "YES! YOU BETTER HAVE MADE PROGRESS!"

(and, o.k., I realize that is not a great example of good parenting...before you even start to point out how I could have handled room cleaning better, please know I realize I could have been a better parent. I have lots of room to improve, and understand that I won't really "get it" until I am a grandparent...)

Not funny at the time, that my little girl has to help me find the words for her own lecture, but I can almost see the humor now. Not sure she does, or will ever, see the humor. She was just mad at me that she had to clean her room.

Another 'real' example of Chemo Brain: I was at work, and writing an email to a number of people regarding grant requests that the County will be submitting for federal stimulus dollars. In the email, I was asking for draft language that could be sent to our Congressional Delegation that they could, in turn, use to send support letters on our behalf. 

I was spelling out what the draft language should include. I couldn't think of the word I was looking for, "hmm, no, not 'important', 'profound?' 'something like propelling, but WHAT is it?"....so I went out in the hall and asked a co-worker to help me. 

"Karen, I am looking for a word but can't think of the right one..." 

She looked at me blankly. I realize that I did not give her much to go on. But she stood there listening patiently to me as I talked it out. 

And then the word came to me. 

"COMPELLING" 

Yes! That was the word. The draft language should include compelling reasons that the County should be awarded the grant.

It is very disconcerting to have these brain lapses. I am not usually at a loss for words.

Luckily for me, and for all of you, Chemo Brain is not supposed to be permanent.

That's what I am telling myself...when I can find the right wordage.