Scarring is a Good Thing

Jerry is not concerned.  

Another lump.

In my breast.

Oh my goodness.

Jerry is not concerned.  

At all.

That helps a little bit.

He is not concerned because he thinks it is scar tissue from the surgical site.  So "not concerned" that he says it will be checked out at the next mammogram, which will be scheduled for early February.

But can there be scar tissue a bit away from the direct incision line?

Take it out.

That's what I want.

But if Jerry is not concerned, I will try not to be concerned.  I'll make conscious effort to leave that bag of fear alone.

I will trust that the trial drug, in conjunction with all of my other treatments over the last 12 months, is killing any microscopic cancer cells that may have been in my body.  

I am down to less than 15 weeks left of the clinical trial.  Good news there.  

That means less than 15 weeks left of uncontrolled itching all over my body.  Itching at all times.  Itching so severe that it sometimes wakes me up in the middle of the night.  How weird is that?

Less than 15 weeks left of acne-like skin rash.

Less than 15 weeks left of severe intestinal duress.

My visit with Jerry today was just a year from my first meeting him.  December 3, 2008.  A day that sent me reeling.  A day where I heard words like "grade 3 cancer", "most aggressive", "this cancer can travel to the brain".

The visit today, December 4, 2009.  A day where I heard words like "you're doing well", "I don't need to see you so often",  "you're tolerating the treatment so well", "I am not concerned".   

I like the words I heard today so much better than those from last year.

So, while all those words I heard are true, the ones today are the most true.  

I am certain.

Please.