Um....,Maybe

Last night was the Family Support Group at Providence. The Howatt Family's first time attending.

For families that are experiencing some type of cancer.

I went by myself; Don and Ellie were stuck in traffic and were late arriving.

So a cancer patient by herself-- even for a short time -- at a Family Support Group. I didn't like that. All alone in a sea of cancer people.

More surreal moments.

A family came and joined me at my table. Until they sat down, I thought the support group was for breast cancer.

No. Any cancer.

The father in that family, I found out later, is battling brain cancer.

And he did not look good. He did not look like he was winning. He came with his wife, daughter and his mother. His daughter couldn't be older than 10.

He asked his wife "where are we?" And then, upon her answer, he asked "why are we here?"

My heart broke.

I thought "this is not a place for me".

But I wasn't there for me.

I was there for Ellie.

I was there because I wanted her to be there. I wanted Anna and Rachel to be there, too.

I was there because I want my babies to know they are not alone.

That it is not just their Mom who is battling, and WINNING, against cancer.

But do I want them there if it is apparent not everyone is winning the war?

I am not sure. Maybe.

As we left, though, I felt better.

I asked Ellie "do you want to come next month?"

And I was surprised by her answer.

Because I expected an absolute "NO".

Instead, I heard her say "um..., maybe".

Maybe being in a room with other families, with children young and children teens, helped. Even if cancer was not discussed.

Um, maybe.