Say the Words, Jerry!

August 20th.

Oh what a day this has been!

Jerry, bless him, gave me the words I have been longing for.

"Cancer Free".

It wasn't as easy as it may sound.

I asked Jerry if, after all the treatment, I was considered cancer free.  

His response?

"Oh yes.  Absolutely!"

That wasn't enough for me.

As I choked back tears, I said "can you just say the words?  Can you say them for me?"

"You are cancer free."

Giddiness.

Butterflies in my stomach.

Tremendous relief.

OH MY GOODNESS!

Don asked how he knew I was cancer free.  Jerry said that the MRI of my brain, the MRI of my breasts, the continual blood tests all confirmed it.  

Jerry went on to say that, if indeed, he was wrong and there was still cancer in my body, it would be microscopic and the lapatanib would kill it. 

And, if I weren't on the lapatanib, I would be only seeing him every 3 months.  But because of the lapatanib, he wants to see me every month.  I will have an echo-cardiogram in November and February.  Brain MRI annually.

A concern with breast cancer is that, if it spreads, it often shows up in the bones.  Jerry told me if I have bone pain that doesn't go away, he wants to know about it.  If I have headaches, he wants to know about it.

So I will fight down the terror if/when those aches appear.  

But for now, I will work on finding parts of my old normal.  

I will work on building back my strength.  

I will look for more energy.  

And I will spend it.

I can't wait.