Cancer Update

I still can't seem to get my head to accept that I have cancer. Life goes along, and then, all of a sudden, "I HAVE CANCER" hits me over the head. So very odd -- this is not what I had planned. I don't have time to have cancer! But, alas, I will find time to beat cancer.

I saw my surgeon last week. He believes that I'll have radiation and chemotherapy. ugh. Probably radiation first (every day for 5-6 weeks), then the chemo. The pathology report did confirm that the tissue margins and the lymph node were negative for cancer cells. It did show, though, that the cancer was on its way to the lymphatic system. My cancer is considered stage 1 (best possible) and grade 3 (worst possible -- most aggressive on a scale of 1-3). Good news and also scary news.

When my panic rises, Don reminds me of the surgeon's words: "the cancer is OUT of your body" and the treatment is to make sure it doesn't come back. That helps. When I can't sleep at night (every night), I try to remember Jesus Christ's words "Do not let your heart be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in Me." The Psalms are also so helpful.

I have been so worried about my girls through this. I don't want them to have to experience the pain of Mom having breast cancer. But then I realized, if I had my desire, they would be robbed of seeing what God has for all of us in this -- the joys as well as the pain. They would be robbed of the strength they will gain by walking through this fire. I think one of the hardest things in life is trusting God with the lives of my children. He is able, and does, care for them more than I could ever.

I have appointments on Wednesday with two oncologists -- one a radiation oncologist and the other a regular (?) oncologist. That day will be overwhelming, I am sure. So if you think about me on Wednesday, please pray that I'll have a calm heart and clear mind so that I can hear and process the information I receive from the doctors, and that my questions get asked and answered.

So now I am thinking I should have joined the "Biggest Loser" contest at work -- the contestant who loses the most weight wins! I would be ahead, I'm sure. Stress is a great weight loss inducer. I'd rather stay fat.