fall

Voting

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Forever Stuck

The phrases below are burned on my brain.  These are some of the things that were said to me or overheard over the last year.  They are burned on my brain.  Burned.

"Is anyone here with you?"

"You came by yourself?"

"We're very concerned."

"I want to do a core biospy right now."

"And, Drenda, bring your husband with you."

"I am sorry."

"It is cancer."

"We'll get through this."

"I love you."

"I guess this is the "in sickness" part."

"I love you.  I LOVE you."

"You'll have surgery to remove the tumor."

"Let not your heart be troubled."

"Dr. Segal is a doctor's doctor."

"This will be a part-time job."

"Cancer takes a lot of time."

"You are strong and courageous."

"Dr. Lehti can't see you until Wednesday."

"Dr. Lehti will meet you at his office in between surgeries if you can come now."

"Surgery will be Tuesday morning."

"Do not be terrified.  Do not be discouraged."

"Come to the hospital early."

"Wires will be inserted into your breast to guide the surgeon."

"Even I could tell it's cancer."

"The surgeon and two pathologists are confident that all of the cancer was removed."

"The Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

"The pathology report is in -- all of the cancer was removed.  Clean margins.  Sentinel lymph node clear."

"Stage 1. Grade 3."

"Agressive."

"Hormone fed."

"Often moves to the brain."

"I am going to take a picture now."

"Curative. Not pallative."

"Good thing you're wearing earrings."

"You have good bones."

"You are amazing."

"Brain MRI is imperative."

"These doctors don't know a damn thing."

"They'll think we're in collusion."

"Can I bring you dinner?"

"You're not going to die from this."

"Have you decided on the clinical trial?"

"If it were my wife, I'd want her to participate."

"The brain MRI is clear."

"Cancer free."








One Year

A lifetime
Just yesterday

Almost over
Only begun

A burning, throbbing fire
Doused with tears

Strong belief
Weak faith
Or weak belief and strong faith?

Questions
So many

Answers
So few

Totally alone
Overwhelmed by the crowd

Blazing a trail
Ensnared in the stinging nettles

Terror
Strength

Darkness
Hope

Tears
Courage

Love
Care
Provision

Family

Friends

Savior

Faith?
Weak

Clinical Trial?
Or Character Trial?

Yes. Both

Strength in Weakness

Love
Care
Provision

Savior